Interested in diving into the world of BDSM with your girl but aren’t sure where to start? Well, let us walk you through the best practices for having safe, sensual, and satisfying kinky experiences as a lesbian couple.
Communication is Key
The foundation of any great BDSM encounter is open and honest communication between partners. Sit down together and have an in-depth discussion about your sexual interests, hard limits, soft limits, fantasies, and desires. It allows you to learn about each other’s needs and set clear boundaries before play.
Some key things to discuss:
- What specific kinks appeal to each of you? Impact play, bondage, roleplay, etc.?
- What activities are strictly off-limits for either of you? These are your hard limits.
- What activities make either of you hesitant or nervous? These are your soft limits.
- Safe words – Agree on both a “slow down” and “stop immediately” safe word.
- Aftercare preferences – How do each of you like to come down from an intense scene? Cuddling, massage, alone time?
Don’t be shy about sharing your deepest desires. You’ll likely find lots of mutual interests to explore together.
Educate Yourselves
Don’t rely on Fifty Shades of Grey for your BDSM education! Do thorough research together on best practices for any activities you want to try. Understand proper techniques, safety precautions, and potential risks.
Read kink guides, watch instructional videos, and join online communities to ask questions. Learn from experienced mentors if possible. Proper education helps prevent accidents and trauma.
Pay particular attention to all safety considerations for bondage, impact play, breath play, and any other advanced activities. Rushing into intense play without training leads to injury or emotional distress. So take it slow, know your limits, and build skills over time.
Start Small and Work Your Way Up
It’s tempting to leap right into your wildest fantasies, but start with simple activities and gradually explore new areas once you’ve built trust and experience. Baby steps!
Good starters are sensory play like blindfolds, feather ticklers, ice cubes, or gentle spanking and flogging. Ease into bondage set with loose cuffs before attempting elaborate rope work.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew experience-wise. Attempting advanced activities too soon is a recipe for trauma. Build a solid, intimate foundation first, then expand your repertoire when you’re ready.
Prioritize Aftercare
BDSM scenes can be intensely euphoric but also emotionally and physically draining at times. Aftercare is essential for restoring balance and well-being for both partners.
After an intense scene, take time to gently come back to reality. Shower together, apply lotion, wrap up in soft blankets, and share gentle kisses and affirmations. Identify any negative headspace and offer reassurance.
Sometimes, one partner needs quiet alone time to process. Other times, cuddling and closeness are desired. Check in with each other about specific aftercare needs in the moment. This cements intimacy and trust.
Set Clear Relationship Expectations
Will your BDSM play remain entirely in the bedroom? Are you open to it spilling into other aspects of your relationship dynamic? Discuss your boundaries and expectations.
Some couples enjoy extending dominant/submissive roles into aspects of everyday life, such as protocols for behavior and speech. Others prefer to keep things compartmentalized.
There’s no right or wrong as long as you align on what you both want. Just ensure your relationship maintains equality, consent, and respect at its core. BDSM is about personal fulfillment, not nonconsensual control.
Equip Your Toy Bag
A well-stocked toy bag adds variety and thrill to your bedroom adventures! Shop together for quality toys suited to activities you both enjoy. Useful staples include:
- Restraints – Silky ropes, leather cuffs, spreader bars
- Sensory Toys – Blindfolds, ticklers, candles, clamps
- Impact Toys – Canes, whips, paddles, floggers
- Vibrators – Wands, bullets, harnesses, c-rings
- Lubricants – Water-based lubes for rubber toys, silicone lube for slippery fun
Invest in body-safe, high-quality materials from reputable sex toy makers. Avoid “jelly rubber” and other porous materials that can’t be fully sterilized.
Include Consent and Check-Ins
The cornerstone of healthy BDSM is ongoing, enthusiastic consent from all partners involved. Check in frequently before and during play to ensure mutual comfort by asking questions like:
- “How does this feel?”
- “Do you like this?”
- “Is it OK if I ____?”
- “Do you want me to continue or try something different?”
And remember, consent is not a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing dialogue that exists before, during, and after the play. Your partner should keep this open communication going.
Enjoy the Adventure Together
BDSM offers a chance to deepen intimacy and vulnerability like never before. You get to discover previously hidden aspects of yourself and your partner. Quite a thrilling adventure!
Keep things fresh by varying scenes, environments, and power dynamics. Let your passion for each other guide the way as you figure out what most fulfills you both.
Approach this new sexual world as a team, looking out for one another’s well-being. Maintain open communication, trust in each other’s limits, and show care for your shared needs.
Most importantly, have fun! Lighthearted playfulness helps everyone relax into the experience. So, go forth and explore your wild desires, ladies!
